Watching our youngest daughter, Katie, prepare for another year of college has brought back a myriad of memories of those early “letting-go’s…”

“I can do it by myself!”

“I know you can, honey, but Mommy just wants to help you.”

“I don’t need your help!”

I’ve dreamed of this moment – the time when the girls would actually start doing more for themselves – a time when I wouldn’t feel like I was waiting on them hand and foot. But now that this longed-for occasion has arrived, something doesn’t feel quite right. I feel as if I’m losing something, like something precious is slipping away.

In fact, the longer that I’m a mother, the more I see that this vague feeling of loss is a continuous process. From their infancy until the present, our children’s level of dependency on Roy and me has changed dramatically. They used to be content to cuddle up on our laps for a story; now they’d rather have friends over to play. They used to run and jump in their Daddy’s arms when he walked in the door from work; now they sometimes don’t look up from what they’re doing.

As parents, we knew this would happen. In fact, we prayed that our children would grow up to be strong, independent adults. But it still isn’t easy to let go.

On Laura’s first day of school, my legs were like lead as I walked away, leaving her in a classroom of near-strangers. My vision was cloudy with tears and I knew I had to get out of there fast before everyone saw Laura’s mommy cry like a baby. My heart was heavy for several days – but it did get easier.

Of course when Mary starts “big school,” I’ll experience it all over again, but that’s all right. All these little “letting go’s” are preparing me for the big ones later on. And I know that when the day arrives and the girls walk away into college, marriage, or a career, I’ll feel pretty much the same way. And I’ll breathe pretty much the same prayer…Oh God how I love these girls…please take care of them for us!”

     Oh Father, the girls are growing up so quickly. I’m beginning to see just how short-lived our time is together. Guide me as I strive to make our home a haven – a place of love, joy, and rest from this world – so that no matter how far they go, they can always depend on the love-light of home.

(From Time Out: A Quiet-time Devotional)

How has God helped you with the letting-go’s?

Welcome to the launch of my new blog, Heart Undivided. It’s been a few years since the days of Time Out when I longed for a moment to call my own. When the hours were filled with diapers, laundry, appointments, ballgames, homework, and the constant running, running, running. Oh the sweet chaos of that time! How I cherish the memories!

I look back with awe at how God worked through those years when the girls were little—comforting, challenging, growing me. Through all the mistakes, all the bumbling around as wife and mother, I am filled with wonder knowing my Heavenly Father never quit on me. That He actually used me to accomplish His purposes. There’s only one way to describe it.

Amazing.

Grace.

This is a new season of life. Roy and I praise God for His faithfulness as we celebrate our 30th anniversary this year. To those who watched our girls grow up through Time Out, here’s a quick update:

Laura and Mary are through college and married with homes of their own. They gave us our first “sons,” Charlie and Matt. They are working hard and serving our Lord with abandon. Little Katie is a rising sophomore in college, pursuing God’s plan for her life. Those early prayers continue to be answered!

And three months ago, Laura and Charlie presented us with our first grandson, Jack. Yes, the little girl who put her sister’s hermit crab in the washing machine now has her own little one. I am mesmerized just watching them together.

Even though much has changed, certain things never will. I am still called to prayer—constantly. My roles as wife, mother, grammy, daughter and friend may be different, but God still calls in these areas.

And this I know—God’s women need each other. We are in this journey together, to grow, support and inspire.

Through Heart Undivided, I hope to do just that—share, encourage, and maybe start a conversation or two. So let’s continue walking together in this adventure called life…remembering the foundation of it all…

Amazing.

Grace.